IS IT YOU??

I'm looking for a lover not a friend

Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to

I'm looking for someone who won't pretend

Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,

Someone who can keep me real and who knows the way

The way I like to have my way

And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,

Wants to share, shows she cares

Im Thinking you're the one that I've been waiting for

I'm looking for someone to share my pain

Someone who I can run to, who will stay with me when it rains

Someone who I can cry with through the night

Someone who I can trust who's heart is right

someone who wont take for granted

How much I care

And appreciates that I'm there

Someone who listens

And someone I can call who isn't afraid of love to share

IS IT YOU?

Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for

Could you be the one for me?

Could you be the one I need?

Walkin Alone

Blindfolded and walking alone,

That's what most of us feel..

In a life time full of major risks and decisions,

It might seem safer to remain STAGNANT..

But isn't it more fulfilling if despite the fear of falling from a cliff and all bruised knees, steps were taken?

In the end, losing and mistakes won't count.

What matters most is the person we turned out to be.

Not NAIVE but WISE and beautifully molded by EXPERIENCES..

Where do i belong?

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where I belong.
I want to go home, but nobody's home.
It's where I lie, broken inside.
With no place to go, no place to go to dry my eyes.
Broken inside.

My feelings I hide.
My dreams I can't find.
I'm losing my mind.
I've fallen behind.
I can't find my place.
I'm losing my faith.
I've fallen from grace.
I'm all over the place.

fuck this shit

i really hate this.
I'm so much sick of this freakin lifestyle.
i don't know, its like i am deprived to do things that i want to do in my own place.
i mean its not my own place. i live somewhere, where i need to adjust and pretend that i am nice to people whom i don't really feel like living with.
i don't have no choice. i still don't earn my own money. if only I'm already earning and i would really love to have my own place.
if only i don't have this freakin thesis proposal i would love to go back to my mom's place.
its much nicer to live there.. i mean really nice.. where you could really say that place is a home. not like here.. i really cant move. its like I'm at small room and I'm suffocated, bit by bit.. running out of air. its really hard dealing with people with different personalities. thats the reason why i go somewhere after school, i really hope i can get over this shit.
ps:
if youre one of the person im living with and now you're reading this post.. now you're aware of how im feelin.

EMO MODE. T_T

i don't know why I'm feeling so sad today..
i really hate this feeling.
I'm just stuck here in my PC.
just finished doing homework.
and I'm playing this song again and again..
it makes me more sad.

Wait for You


[Verse 1]
I never felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone,
Girl you could have stayed
but you wouldnt give me a chance
With you not around it's a little bit more then i can stand
And all my tears they keep running down my face
Why did you turn away?

[Bridge]
So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you wanted to be

[Chorus]
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

[Verse 2]
It's been a long time since you called me
(How could you forget about me)
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can't do it baby
What will it take to make you come back
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me
Don't leave me crying.

[Bridge]
Baby why can't we just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But your telling me it wont be enough

[Chorus]
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don''t know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

[Bridge]
So why does you pride make you run & hide
Are you that afriad of me?
But I know it's a lie what your keeping inside
Thats not how you wanted to be

Baby I will wait for you
Baby I will wait for you
If it's the last thing i do

[Chorus]
Baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else i can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life

Baby I will wait for you
you think I'm fine it just aint true
I really need you in my life
No matter what i have to do I'll wait for you

I'll Be Waiting.

Just so you know that I'm missing you badly.
*sigh*
T_T

Alone?

Being alone sometimes gives you space to grow.


Sometimes its hard to grow when youre too close to someone.


Remember the trees are planted far from each other,


so they can spread their branches and be matured..

SURF.. BEACH.. SUMMER

i really cant wait for summer.. i love goin to the beach.. i love the sun. would love to try surfing.. but i think its not as easy as skateboarding.. but i do hope to be with my dubs when i get back to the beach.. and he'll teach me how to surf. i really do hope. I'm already anticipating.

fuck.. but before that i have to face things at school which is the oral defense of our thesis proposal. if only i can fast forward things so that i could skip the things that i wanted to.

every summer i always make it a point to go the beach for like 3 to four times. unlike in the US where beaches are near the city.. here we have to travel for so many hours..and it costs a lot.. but i do love travelling.. been to so many places but i still want to go and see places that i have never been to.

and i do hope to travel and go places with my bf.. so that i could really cherish it all... mushy!!! hahahaha!!

I JUST MISS MY DUBBY

i miss this guy so much.. its been almost 3 months since he went out of the country.. i really miss him..

i miss the old times when we talk until we fall asleep. i miss hearing him snore.. lol

though he calls me most of the time.. i just miss the old days.. but soon.. well be together again.. i even talked to him earlier before i went to school.. it made my day hearing his voice again. though were far away, miles apart from each other we both make an effort to update things with whats happening. he calls sends emails sms most of the time but im really lookin forward in being with him.. i am really glad i met a guy like him.. i couldn't ask for more.. he's more than enough.

ASSHOLE DAY..

Well.. last night.. i reviewed for an exam that was supposed to be today.. but apprently when i fuckin got myself into school my professor wasnt there.. and my bf was callin me last night too but the fuckin network wont let him get through. good thing he called to our landphone but the fuckin line is delayed.. i mean he can hear me, i can hear him but the voice is delayed. i woke up this morning by his call.. twas great.. though im still sleepy we talked for awhile.. i just miss him.. so... much! i really cant wait to be with him soon. i know youll read this one.. always keep in mind that im here.. lovin you. too chessy right? what the heck i just love you.



btw this is a bit overdue coz i told him that ill make myself a blog.. and here it is after a few months.. im really not into this things.. coz im so lazy blogging.. but i think i wont be.. im starting to like it..



im here at a computer shop near my school.. i played an online game before doin this post. well.. this post doesnt make sense right? lol.. you dont have any choice but to read my shit.



til the next post..

This is ME. This is what I AM..

I've been hiding in the "closet" for like 3 years i think.. it is really hard.. REALLY HARD.. theres a lot of things that i cant do or cant say. its like im a prisoner of my own self. i really cant accept the fact that i am gay. i was homophobic before.. i really cant stand whenever people around me talk about the gender issues. it really bugs me. and i tend to divert my attention unto something else.

Just last year.. i started coming "OUT" to my older sister that i am like this.. she accepted me and shes the first one to know within my family.. then to some of my close friends at school. it was really unexpected coz we were playing a game.. the game made me confess. at first i thought theyre not goin to accept me for who am i. twas really nice of them to say that theyre proud of me that i confessed.

Then i broke up with my bf.. (been havin secret relationships before with guys. gawd twas really hard..) one of the reason why i outed myself.. dont want to tell the whole story what he did.. then i met TIM.. he is the reason why i accepted myself for bein like this.. i mean, yeah i am different from the others.. unlike my cousins who are straight.. i am really different. tim made me realized that i should be proud of what and who am i.. he made a blog that tells everything about third sex.. then he showed me how wonderful life is when youre not hiding anything. it really made me loosen up with the pressure and all that stuffs.

here's my fav line from his blog, actually its his header:

THEY LAUGH AT US BECAUSE WE ARE DIFFERENT, WE LAUGH AT THEM BECAUSE THEYRE ALL THE SAME.. WE KNOW WHO WE ARE, WE LEARNED TO LIVE AND LOVE, AND THUS, ONLY GOD WILL JUDGE US.

And now.. I can say that I AM REALLY PROUD OF WHAT I AM.. i am not ashamed for bein like this. i dont care what others say about me. love me or hate me for what i am.. i dont care. just as long as i know that i am not doing anything bad or anything that would hurt others ill continue living my life the way i want it to be.

BE PROUD.. THATS WHAT I ALWAYS KEEP IN MIND..