IM A FCUKIN LAMER!

my life these past few weeks has been so lame. im so tired of livin.. i am not over reacting or whatsoever. its just that i dont know what am i goin to do with my effin life. i havent heard from him since feb 28. ive sent him mails, messages, i even called him but i havent heard from him even a single word or whatsoever. if only abu dhabi is just a block away from here and ill clear things up but its not. he doesnt believe me that i am not cheating on him. i dont know. i dont know what to say. i dont know how to prove it.. but i know, in my mind and in the eyes of God that i havent done anything that would hurt him. i love him so much and i dont wanna put myself in a situation that i will regret one day. now i am not in the mood for anything. i am affected with the situation, ofcourse who wouldnt be if theyre in the same situation as mine. im just here.. waiting.. i dont know if i am still waiting for something.. i dont wanna lose him.. he is my life, my inspiration and my everything. i couldnt blame him if hes paranoid or what because he is far away from me. i do get paranoid most of the time but i always keep in mind that i should give my trust.. i really do trust him. i just alway remember what he always say.. "someone has to pay the bills.." if only i have all the money in this world, if only i am filthy rich so that he wouldnt have to work so far away from me. sigh..